(though anxiety dreams?! About Christmas break? Terrible way to wake up.)
Today I ate lunch at the Pendulum Court, which was surprisingly tasty. I waded my way through Bakhtin (mind-buzzing and succesful). I got a giant coke, enjoyed the fall colors, talked to some 2nd years about the impending doom (I got my first papers in today. Doom.) and they told me that probably I'd be ok. That next time will be better. It was good to talk through. I am generally hard on myself and it's hard to know whether this is warranted.
I saw a fantastic episode of the Gilmore Girls (how do they manage to be continually in the fall?)--the one where Christopher's fiancee has a baby. It's interspliced with scenes from Lorelai's life, kind of beautiful.
I made a date to make chocolate-chili fudge.
I wonder about cycles. Like every 24 hours we get to wake up and try it again. And once a week we get a Sunday and a reboost. And once I month I realize, suddenly, why everything seems so terrible (this, btw, was not one of those times) and feel connected to larger ebbs and flows and deeply content. And the seasons let us start over. And years. And whatever. I believe in starting new. In cycles.
But I have a hard time believing in change...or change for the better at least. I feel like I watch relationships fall apart and people miss their potential and society deteriorating (even if postmodernism is fake and we've always felt this way). What do you think? Do things change for the better? Can people change?
Monday, September 28, 2009
Better
Posted by Kjerstin Evans Ballard at 8:15 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
People must be able to change. If not then I'm part of the wrong church.
And Kjerstin, I actually believe that. For all the worrying and griping and stress I have over many of the things you mention (and yeah, I think postmodernism might be a little fake), yeah, I think that people can change.
Otherwise, why teach? Why talk? Why think? Why read?
Seriously.
Sometimes I think even change happens in cycles, just as a result of being human and having to try again. But eventually, yeah, I think it happens.
I always disagree with Makayla, so no, people can't change. ever. just. give. up.
jk!!!
i think you read my mind because seasons have been on it lately. it seems like women's lives, especially, are divided into seasons...and not just monthly ones. and they're all hard to transition into....weather seasons and life seasons. you can't wait to wear your jackets until it's fall...then you miss your flip flops. we should talk more about this
I think one of the best tricks to learn is how to push yourself through a difficult cycle more quickly or, at the very least, learn to anticipate the next turn in a way that it makes the present more bearable.
Some people say it's more important to live the "now" but I don't think so. In difficult times, my life is monumentally better when I genuinely feel the phrase: this too shall pass.
On the flip side. I am loving (LOVING!) the phases my children are in right now and I see it slipping through my fingers every day. Everyday I feel nostalgic for now. Sadly, this too, (this magical rambunctious childhood delight) shall pass. It nearly brings tears to my eyes.
I don't know if people really change. Isn't Josh just Josh? The same as he was at three and eleven and as he'll be at 42? I sometimes think the only difference is circumstance and pharmacology.
I think almost all change in history has been for the better. If people didn't change (at least collectively, maybe not individually) we'd still have slavery, racism, and the Catholic church... Well, some things change.
Post a Comment