Wow. Three in one night. You're soooo pleased, I just know it.
Girls make me really nervous. Like, at the BGC I have the hardest time relating to/having patience with the girls. Particularly when they're in groups and they almost always are. Particularly when it's late-ish and they're getting shrieky/goofy/singy. LIke when I took over a game of Mafia that somehow devolved into a table/booty dance. I made some snarky comment and they went running in to a more popluar staff-member...weird and mean and inexplicable.
Also, I was playing with my nephews and my cousins kids at a wedding function a couple of years ago and I had way more fun tossing boys around than trying to engage girls who wanted to play with their moms. I don't know how to do it. Girls make me nervous.
What makes me more nervous, though, is that every time I bring this up, everyone agrees. (Not everyone. Matt, I'm looking at you.) That is, no one likes girls. Generally it seems like people agree with my assessment: whiny, shrieky, clingy, inexplicable; and this seems tragic if not downright misogynistic. What am I missing? Where can I find common ground here?
The ironic part is of course that I suppose I spent several years as a girl. I remember silliness and drama and weird emotions. I remember, too, being shot down for that sort of thing--feeling always off-ish and wrong. I remember my dad snapping at me for talking in baby talk to my friends and I'm not certain I've grown out of that awkward stage in his mind. [I just barely realized that Young Women's would be a hard calling. I always took it for granted that everyon loved it. Lucky me to have great leaders.] On the other hand I remember the way Becky Thomas (a friend and incredible person/example) treated me when I was barefoot and 11 and out of my mind with transition and minimal adult interaction. She valued me for who I was and let me know. She noticed the good in me (my hand-me-down overalls and taste for exotic food) and let me know it. This made a huge difference.
Anyway, I guess I wonder if any of you have any thoughts on girls: on how to see them and how to love them? What your favorite thing is about teenaged girls? What do you think?
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Also this...
Posted by Kjerstin Evans Ballard at 12:35 AM
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6 comments:
Man, I am with you! Between growing up with 4 brothers and no sisters and never really figuring girls out in high school (the guys were more fun to hang out with anyway), I think I'm kind of crippled when it comes to girls. Really, I guess the times I've had the best success being around the teen girls sets lately come when I interact with them the way I do with adults I'm not super comfortable around: pull out those politician skills--smile, nod, laugh when they laugh...just kind of listen and watch; validate what they're saying without really contributing much. With boys I'm way more comfortable taking an active role in...what would you call it? Playing? Girls are tougher. I think it's because we really don't trust each other as quickly as guys do--a sweeping stereotype, but it seems to fit, at least in my (limited) experience. It's harder and takes longer to get "in" with the girls. Maybe. ?
I did EFY for a couple weeks this summer and really liked my girls. Admitedly, I was drawn to the boys in my group, but there were always a few girls that I loved to chill with. I was blessed with non-dramatic girls which helped a lot. I've never understood drama because it was not tolerated in my house, so I'm a little socially retarded when girls (no matter what age) start to freak out about things. Basically I have better luck one-on-one or in very small groups of girls when there isn't the pressure to be ridiculous.
I can tell you who likes girls... gay men. You wouldn't think it, perhaps you might imagine that they are all fixated on each other, but the truth is, they can't live without us. They love that we smell good, we cuddle, we make them cookies occasionally, and we love shopping as much as they do. Yes, a gay man is a woman's best friend, in my opinion.
I had to laugh when I read the last comment... seeing as my very best friend is a gay guy. :)
I was thinking something else though, because I'm totally with you on the whole "girls are way difficult" thing. Have you ever noticed that even THOSE girls - yeah, the kind we pretty much blew off in high school because they were drama queens - complain about other girls? And what's funny is that I don't notice it QUITE as much anymore - unless the girls are little. I have a 15 year old sister and a 12 year old sister (plus, two nieces - both very cute and VERY girly... sigh). I guess sometimes it's a if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and other times I think they just need a little tough love. I don't let my nieces or my sisters wimp out on stuff, I don't cater to their whining, I ignore them when they're PMS-ing... hm. I guess I actually don't have a good answer for you. But I do know one thing - boys may be easier and funner when they're little, but when they grow up... oh wait, they don't. LOL
I don't think you're alone in noticing this. Hence, there is tons of literature and support systems for girls. As a young woman, I thought this was only just. Now that I have three young boys, I am upset that my boys are expected to act like girls at school (sit quietly, interact at sophisticated levels verbally with adults, write neatly, act out in passive-aggressive, non-physical ways) and that girls have so many special support groups (Girl Power!). Meanwhile the boys are supposed to get everything they need from Cub Scouts (which most adults openly loathe--and that is somehow okay).
I've never come to a good solution about this gender-divide (or yours, either) but generally, when I approach each child as an individual, I get good results. Group dynamics would make this difficult (BGC), but it works.
I like girls. I have four sisters, and my one brother came along late enough that he didn't really affect the family culture so much, while I was there.
Admittedly, we are a bunch of-- er-- not so girly girls. Both of our parents were raised as boys (neither had any sisters). My mom's a mathematician. We did not have barbie dolls, growing up. I LIKE these things about my family.
That said, I think that what I see described in this blog is what I would call brattiness. It may be a particularly feminine variety of brattiness, but it is not at the heart of being feminine. I think.
What if, in order to be able to deal (well) with a certain group of people, you need to be able to see the way they should be (as it were)-- sort of like a platonic form.
I am pretty sure that I need one-a-them form thingies for my interactions with boys. When a boy does something I don't understand, I tend to think: why is it that you have to be so bizarre (and, sometimes, cruel)? Did I ask to be treated like that? Did I miss a turn? WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE YOUR GENDER?
But then, if I have my rational mind accessible, I think: I've just run across a bad example of boy-ness. There exist girls who weird the entire race out about girls, too. [This blog confirms at least this last part of my comforting logic.]
I also have to admit, when I come down to it, that there do exist girls who believe that it is their feminine right as girls to be shrieky, dramatic, PMS-ey no matter what time of the month is is, etc., and all I have to say about these people is that they are dead wrong. It is the devil's own logic that we are defined by the not-so-wonderful parts of us (even when those parts are unavoidable). (And especially when they are-- avoidable.)
I guess that what I'm saying is that I like girls, but I don't feel compelled to like the parts of them that are unlikeable. Hmm. It appears that I have just taken a lot of space to post an idea which is basically a tautology. Better luck next time.
Also, I like cub scouts and boy scouts and my father once mentioned to me that he was not the only dad with a bunch of daughters who took them camping frequently so that they would not miss out on the kinds of stuff the boy scouts get to do. Girls' camp is not the same. You get stuck with a bunch of whiny, fancy girls who are being told that it is their religious duty to like camping. I'm not saying that girls' camp is bad, but I am saying that it is not the same as going with your entire family who all love camping.
I also hate boy bashing, and I agree that we have ended up with some decent support for girls, but a more rarefied (in the sense of thin) atmosphere for boys. I keep trying to figure out what I can do about that (I have several nephews), but am stumped for the moment.
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