Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Brazil

So you know that story about Brazil--how the Pope split the world between the Spanish and the Portuguese (is this really how you spell this?) along some line of latitude and so most of South America is Spanish speaking, but then there's Brazil and their lovely lilting Samba-friendly Portuguese? I keep trying to work this into a poem about territorialism.
The whole idea of territorialism fascinates me, particularly in the context of relationships. You know that last visit where you meet to return books and t-shirts etc? And it's kind of awkward or tearing depending, but you cut the last ties of couplehood and redefine boundaries: this is me and that is you and thank you very much for my autographed Galeano (4 months later). Beyond that there's a kind of unspoken redividing, though.
I think mostly about place: there are certain streets in Provo where I couldn't walk for periods of time. It would be awkward and potentially painful and the streets weren't mine. I had to be very selective about my use of the Writing Center, usually calling a comrade beforehand to make sure the coast was clear. I saw an ex walking home from work and avoided him intentionally because it was his route and I had no right to be there and didn't want to intrude. The whole of BYU campus is kind of closed to me right now because of the relationships I've broken off and the people who are still on campus. It's theirs and not mine. I'd be trespassing.
I'm not sure that everyone is so sensitive to/aware of this as I am. I've had a rash of failed and severed relationships this last couple of years so am either oversensitive or really good at avoiding confrontation, but it's kind of an intuitive thing, an invisible sign: You Are Not Welcome Here.
But it goes beyond place. In high school I had a giant severing fight with the group of girls I ran around with. I think most of our mutual guy friends managed to manuever the break, but there was conflict occasionally. When things among my college friends started getting more complicated, L laid claim to A&D, a sort of comradic pre-nup, and think she's winning the custody battle (though I occasionally assert my visiting rights). My sister warned me about college relationships being complicated, but it's weird to be in the middle of a major redefining of loyalties. Lots of it is just me, but it's still pretty tragic I think. (Maybe something lovely and samba-y will come out of all of this too...)

6 comments:

Scott Morris said...

The sentiments are beautiful. You always have such a way with ideas.

Also, the code google makes me put in to submit this is "bearit" I think that that is somehow perfect.

daine said...

I can't tell whether it's your drama that makes your writing so good, or if your writing just makes the drama more interesting. Drama does seem to follow you, however. What with all of your shifting alliances among our mutual friends, I've decided to declare myself Switzerland. Funny how I can be so dramatic and emotional about movies and books and yet so disdainful and weirded out about real-life drama.

Makayla Steiner said...

Can there be two Switzerlands? Please?

:)

Kjerstin Evans Ballard said...

Daine: your delicious baked goods and chocolate have secured your place as Switzerland indefinitely. Makayla, you may want to get on that.

Makayla Steiner said...

LOL.

In that case, I am absolutely toast. I might as well be North Korea.

Katherine said...

Thank God (really) for Switzerland.