is keeping things in perspective. Like for instance right now I'm grumpy and unmotivated and downdowndownering. And I've spent the last couple of weeks certain that this, finally, is who I am. That I've ruined my life forever, that I will never recover, that I will spend the rest of my years failing at insignificant things and lonesome.
I draw these conclusions regardless of the fact that I draw them every year (Dear February: what did I ever do to you?), and every year, when May comes around and I'm dazzled by the brilliance of Utah in spring (it is waaaay greener that I ever remember and unrelentingly beautiful) and am suddenly highly motivated and all kinds of friendly. Regardless of the fact that everyone hates graduate school. That graduate school is, in fact, a hell on earth, the firey gateway to a very lovely (if competitive, I know) profession and no one likes graduate school. Why I thought I'd be different I'm not sure.
My impulse here is to give me a pep talk/kick in the pants: you are better than this! You can do it! Work your way through it! What the hell are you doing!? But I'm not really in the mood and usually anyway that sort of thing is the opposite of motivational. Instead, I'm going to get another donut, dowse my sorrows in Diet Coke, work on getting the couple of things I have to get done today done, and maybe, you know, read another 250 pages of The Lord of the Rings tonight. (I'm thinking I'm going to skip over most of the Frodo bits. Could he be more dramatic? It makes me want to light myself on fire.)
So. An icy fountain drink toast: to SAD. To May. To me.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Something I'm bad at
Posted by Kjerstin Evans Ballard at 8:29 AM
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10 comments:
I hate Frodo. And February. And grad school (at least in February).
You should go to California. It is 80 degrees and sunny (SUNNY! I tell you). The world is good. Just not in this particular location.
Why are you not in grad school in Santa Barbara or something?
slab pizza will get me through this time. or you and i really should go to california. we could stay with my sister.
I also drown my sorrows in Diet Coke. Maybe we could go get one together sometime. Did you know I'm back in Utah? Well, I hope that March ends up a little brighter. :)
Oh Kjerstin! Endure lady! Only a couple of more months! If you want to feel any sort of relief, just check out my latest blog entry :)
oh good. i thought i was the only one who hated graduate school. is it sad that this makes me feel better about my current feelings that i cannot imagine going to school ever again after this? and that i sometimes wonder if throwing dollar bills out the car window driving down the highway might provide me with more satisfaction?
Oh dear. While I'm sure grad school contributes to the angst, I think it's actually winter's fault. January and February are just rough. Hang on; it's almost March!
i am so happy to hear that i am not the only one suffering through the winter. i swear this year is worse than any other year i can remember. stupid sad. stupid frodo. every time i read lotr i want to skip his parts. or my brain just sort of shuts down until i get through it, and next thing you know i've read 30 pages without even knowing it.
Um, Annie, or you two could stay with me!
And I'd blame grad school. Definitely.
PS you guys are fantastic?
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