Where are the hordes when you need them?

So this is me sitting on my front porch thankful for wireless internet and really disappointed that there aren't more kids around. There are a thousand kids in my cul-de-sac. We have tricycles strewn about every flat surface (I had to get out of my car to remove one from my driveway yesterday which put me into crotchety old woman mood in no time flat), we even have one of those "slow, children at play" signs, newly installed. The reason both for my front-porch wirelessing and my rumination on the lack of children is this: I'm locked out of my house. I spent half-an-hour breaking into my back bathroom window (removing the screen) and piling up a makeshift stepstool (a bucket turned into a bucket and a cooler and a bucket (thanks for the cooler Sarah) turned into a bucket and my big black garbage can) only to realize that I am not as tiny nor as sqashable as I'd hoped. Wasn't there a time where if you could get your head through a tight spot you could fit the rest of yourself? When did that stop being true?
So addendum to the plan: get one of the neighborhood ninos to help. I'd lower them into my bathroom, have them run to the front door and unlock it and voila! Problem solved!
Truth be told I do realize the ridiculousness of the plan (though the garbage can is still in place and the back window is still cracked, just in case) and some of the ninos did emerge finally and could I really ask their parents to let me lower them into my bathroom? (The answer of course is no and that that's just silly.)