Radio West today: A few years ago author Naomi Wolf traveled across the country talking about what she sees as threats to American liberty, and what struck her was how powerless Americans felt to make change. So, she set out to learn from the nation's original revolutionaries what freedom actually means, and she quotes the 18th century philosopher Diderot when she says "everything must be shaken up, without exception and without circumspection."
A little inflamatory. The kind of inflammatory that gets me thinking and also sets like lead in my stomach because if she's right I need to restructure my belief systems and MO. Again. (And doesn't it feel right, a little? Like we might be living during a major downswing in innovation and motivation? My whole body hurts thinking about this and trying to see through the politics and faulty assumptions to something true.)
She talked specifically about the pursuit of happiness. About how we throw around that phrase these days in connection with things like buying a new car or getting a really good burger or shopping online in our underwear. But how it means much much more than that. How that right, guaranteed, means that we have the opportunity and obligation to make our lives the very best they can be and to use our time and energy to help others. Sounds very familiar. Like maybe it's eternally the case.
And this is something I've been wrestling with: it is my responsibility to make sure that I'm happy. It is no one else's and if I fail then I'm not only denying myself that happiness, I'm hindering the good I can be doing and my longterm progression. Again and again the choices I'm making come back to this: I have to fight for my happiness. It's not easy to be happy, but is worth the fight. More than that: giving up on that fight is giving up everything everything everything.
But what does that mean? What will make me happy? There are the obvious things, of course, but more and more, as I'm in a place when I'm making decisions that are going to have long-term consequences (I always hated this notion, but now even more than when I was an undergrad I feel sooo weighed down by choice)--habits that I'm making and thought-channels I'm grinding--I'm confronted by these sorts of questions. What will make me happy? What do I want? I can make it happen, I just need to decide what I want and do it.
Theoretically. But as a friend said recently, (and by said I mean gchatted) "i'm just waiting to look back on any part of my life and say 'uh-huh, I planned that.'" Yes, this agency and choice thing is all well and good in theory, but actually I know that the universe is a very unpredictable place. What's the point of planning if the plans all end up foiled in the end anyway?
And this: part of me wants to throw caution to the wind entirely, let myself be lead by these impulses, leave behind my obligations and live for me only; a thing that, though I'm self-centered certainly, I've never really done. But part of me knows that those impulses are fleeting and that there is happiness in sticking. How to stick without feeling stuck?
All very heavy stuff.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
The Pursuit of Happiness (kick Will Smith out of your head immediately)
Posted by Kjerstin Evans Ballard at 7:49 PM
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8 comments:
And I will return the Amen right back to you.
I have no more answers than I did the other day when we talked about things like this. At the moment I'm trying to get some work done but dragging my feet terribly; maybe it's just the low point of facing routine and normal life again after a fantastic escape (thank you times ten for a weekend I needed badly), but maybe I really am having trouble sticking with what feels at the moment like a situation I arrived at more by default than by choice.
Goal 1: Get through the next two days of homework I put out of my mind all weekend. Then, Goal 2: Spend some serious time thinking about what I'm doing here and whether it's what I want. Can we talk about all this more at some point?
I recommend Wolf's The End of America: Letter of Warning to a Young Patriot to any who have not read it. It caused me to think more deliberately and hopefully in turn to live more deliberately.
I like your penultimate line: how to stick without feeling stuck? I wonder if that is not precisely it. I mean, we want to stick to, if you will, good things but not be lulled into complacency or laziness or take it all for granted. There's a tricky balance to it. And we humans are not fantastic for balance or moderation are we? Well, not me, anyhow. But onward nonetheless.
KE-
Are you trying to imply that shopping online in your underwear doesn't make you happy? Because I consider that privilege one of the joys of life. That and eating ice cream straight from the carton. I have the goal of someday eating an entire carton all by myself, not even a bowl. Just me, the ice cream, an intermediary spoon (maybe), and then an empty carton. All to myself. This is what was meant by Pursuit of Happiness! The ability to choose meaningless, trivial enjoyments! Everything else that that phase might have meant is no longer valid. Or, as GK Chesterton puts it (using completely different words):
"Cleanliness is not next to godliness nowadays, for cleanliness is made essential and godliness is regarded as an offence."
A few weeks ago I was feeling trapped in my own life and was thinking about everything I could be doing that I'm not. And then I thought about how every day I make a choice to be responsible and show up for work. There's something about recognizing that it is a choice and that I'm remaking it each day that is freeing in a weird way. I could be doing a lot of things right now, but damn it, I choose to keep my health insurance and pay my bills so I can afford to live in this fantastic place. That "living deliberately" idea has merit. Sometimes when we feel stuck it's not because of our circumstances but because of our attitude. Not an original idea, but something I'm re-realizing right now.
Also, thank you for the soup. It's the gift that keeps on giving.
I think we sometimes mistake happiness for pleasure. Pleasure is the thing associated with new cars, hamburgers, and shopping online in our underwear (which, by the way, I could only do if I lived in a climate warmer than ours, and if there were six fewer people living in my house). I think, as a teacher, you recognize the value and the deeper sort of uplift that comes from really doing something valuable for someone else. There are a million ways to serve others, and it really is an antidote for misery. And Amanda is totally right. My dad has an "attitude creed" framed and hung on his wall, and the opening sentence is "A happy life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you respond to it." The universe IS really unpredictable, and because everyone else gets to make choices also, sometimes I think we are actually limited in what we can DO because of that. But we are never inhibited from reaching our larger goals, because we can always choose another way there, if that makes sense. And I am really convinced, despite our often unhealthy focus on individualism, autonomy, and "you live your life, I'll live mine" world, all of the stuff that makes us truly happy involves others in some way or another. Pleasure can take place along the way, and that certainly isn't wrong - who wouldn't want to eat a whole carton of ice cream by themselves once in a while? - but it isn't lasting.
Also, people are always telling you to follow your heart, and you know what? Oddly enough, I think it's sound advice, because I think if you really do that, hearts are ultimately good - and invested in others, therefore leading you to do things to improve the lives of others, thereby improving your own.
As for sticking without being stuck, I think that comes with sticking to principles. Sticking to lifestyle. Someone mentioned responsibility. That's something you can "stick" to without being stuck in any given situation.
Sorry for my massive post. It is your fault though, for making me think. ;)
I loathe people who selfishly fulfill whims, live life "large" and loud leaving the rest of us to pick up the pieces, pay off the debt, and do the laundry while they are off to their next adventure. Life is a marathon, with ups and downs: repeated, consistent effort is where it's at. In 20 years what you've accomplished through these small efforts will be wildly more productive and useful (and result in greater happiness, and, probably pleasure) than the large, loud noise.
And by the way, I've only ever found sustained happiness through work. Six days of hard work and one day of worship.
I have a few things to say. First, the whimsical:
Regarding your line: "...if she's right I need to restructure my belief systems and MO. Again." I read and then re-read that as "if she's right I need to restructure my belief systems and Missouri. Again." I enjoyed imagining all the ways in which you restructured Missouri the first time. Then I remembered my Latin.
Second: I would like to point out, at the risk of being shunned by blogger and commenters alike, that the phrase invoked by KE and popularized by TJ was adapted from language written by JL (er, John Locke)--life, liberty, and property. I have no overt point in this, if only perhaps to make people think a little more. And to satisfy my inner constructionist.
Third: The point about looking beyond property and selfishness is good. Very good. And it might help explain why Jefferson chose to adapt Locke rather than quote him. And I don't think it stands at odds with the need to satisfy one's own happiness. Being selfless can be very fulfilling (as stated by other commenters). I also don't believe there is futility in making plans. Looking back on your life and determining that nothing good was planned is selling yourself short, I think. Up through age 21 I had a very specific plan, and I carried it out. True, many of the good things that happened in the gutters between panels were not planned by me, but everything from Boy Scout goals (yes, I'm a nerd) to schooling goals to eternal progression goals were things that I had planned since I can first remember. So don't give up on plans.
As for sticking without being stuck... I think that concept deserves a post all its own.
It was good to finally meet you, KE.
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